BEHIND THE LINE

  • June 1, 2019

Quick hits of silliness

Sometimes being in a restaurant or in the kitchen of one is so overwhelming your “smarts” depart. It could be the heat of the stoves or the third glass of wine with dinner, either way we can’t all be geniuses all of the time, now, can we?

In that spirit here are a few quick stories of the goofy things that sometimes have nowhere else to go but straight out of our mouths!

Mass Murder

I once had a friend that refused to eat yogurt. I thought maybe she was lactose intolerant or found it too tart, but no, it was much dumber than either of those. When I asked her about her aversion she said she just hated the thought of “killing all those little bugs.”

“Little bugs?”

“Yeah you know the little bugs in the yogurt? I just hate the thought of killing them and all that blood!”
Blood!?

“What are you talking about?”

Apparently she had just learned about bacterial fermentation, but had no idea what she was talking about. She meant the actual bacteria.

She also thought Sweden was attached to Canada, so there’s that.

Cost Prohibitive

Worked at a hotel restaurant in Newfoundland. One of the chefs told me that he never ate at McDonald’s. That’s cool, not everyone likes Mickey D’s. But the reason was classic.

“Their burgers are made out of worms.”

I think worms would probably be a decent source of protein but when I asked him the price of worms per pound (he liked to fish) you could see the light bulb start to glow.

That Crunch, Tho

Went to an event with a friend of mine who was otherwise very worldly and well-traveled, so this was a bit of a surprise.

Event staff were wandering the floor with little trays of booze and finger foods, as you do. We had some drinks and bacon wrapped whatevers and then along came a tray of shrimp. They still had their tails on. I take a couple and a napkin. I eat mine and hold onto the tails in the napkin to give to the next server. I look over at my friend and he’s making this disgusted face when all of a sudden he holds his napkin up to his mouth and all of the shrimp shells start coming out. He spat the last bit into the napkin and I said, “You’re not supposed to eat that part.”

He said, “I thought they were crunchier than they should be.”

He had never had shrimp in the shell before!

We are hoping you can be a part of this series by submitting firsthand experiences of imperious/generous bosses, difficult/wonderful guests, and your own and others’ faux pas or feats.

Please send stories to grippingkitchentales@gmail.com or private message on social media.

About Rod Weatherbie

Rod Weatherbie is a writer working in the hospitality industry. He spent a number of years in Toronto as a member of the financial press before returning to PEI. Rod has published one piece of short fiction, one book of poetry, and has had work published in Red Shift, the Antigonish Review, Mitre, and the Toronto Quarterly. He has also recently co-produced, co-directed, and acted in a stage production of old television shows.

He also likes writing about food. Go figure.

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